The alarm was going off right in my ear. I feel around my bed side table to shut it off, but it seems to have fallen onto my pillow. No wonder it was so loud. I finally found the off button after a while.
Lying in bed still, fragments of the dream run through my mind. Almost every detail of this dream is floating and re-running itself. I quickly fall asleep again and it continues on.
I look around the busy sidewalk. I finally spot what I want. Her. She’s sitting alone at a small Café drinking a coffee. A smile creeps up on my lips when I see her. Quickly I start to walk towards her. This is right. When I reach her table, she is staring down at her hands. It seems like I have been walking for miles, so I pull out the chair and sit down a cross from her. She still hasn’t acknowledged the fact that I was across from her, or that I was even around. I reached out and grabbed her hand. Finally she looks up. When she sees m a smile breaks out on her beautiful face. The features that were already pretty are now redefined by a simple smile to make her look almost like an angel. The look that she gives me makes it seem like she’s had been waiting a while to finally meet me too.
She squeezes my hand and everything changes. We are no longer at the Café, but we’re at a hospital. I look down at the person I’m with. There is a small body in the bed, and the sheets are slowly and slightly moving with the person’s shallow breath. The bald head was turned away from me and I reached out to lightly turn the face towards me. When I did I saw that it was her. The once beautiful face was now pale, bruised and caved in. Her long black hair was gone, and she was too skinny. She looked as if at any moment, her life would stop.
I didn’t want to be here. Seeing her like this was complete hell. She looked like she was in so much pain. I couldn’t stand it. I looked down and saw that I was holding her hand still from back at the Cafe. I rubbed my thumb over her knuckles, and noticed the IV’s hooked up to her. Everything here seemed so painful and sad.
She gently stirred under the sheets. A little moan sounded from her lips and her eyes opened slightly. When she saw me standing there a small, light smile played on her lips. Even now, that smile is the nicest I have ever seen. “Toby…” she whispers. Her eyes shut but the smile is still there. “I gotta go.”
A tear escapes and rolls down my cheek. I smile back at her as she slowly fades away from this world. More tears are falling down and they won’t stop. I try to think of this for better; how she won’t have to live in pain and agony. But I just met her, I don’t even know her name. I wish I could have gotten to know her.
Her last breath is drawn, and let go. It’s painful to hear. My face is wet, and I don’t even bother wiping them away. Even now i am still I am rubbing her knuckles wishing that it would wake her like before. I know it won’t happen.
When I finally decide it’s time to go, I take one last look at her face. There is that beautiful smile of hers. She accepted her death, and was now at peace. I slowly let go of her hand not wanting to leave, but it was over. My hand let go ever so slowly. Finally my fingers slipped out of hers. I watched her limp hand hit the bed. I turned to the door and –
I bolted up and awoke from the dream. I rubbed my eyes, and they’re wet. My cheeks too; also wet. “For fuck sakes…” I mumbled as I dried my eyes. It was only a stupid dream but it had such feeling for some reason. Who was she, and why was she always in my dreams? Why is she so important to me? The strange girl invaded my dreams every night, but I have no clue who she is.
When I check the clock I see it is already eight- thirty. I jump up and go get ready for a long day.